Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Venting

It's no secret that my sister is an addict. It's something I've had in my life since she was a  teenager. Going from drug programs to stints in  jail. There were years with her being a functioning addict but I knew better than to try and have a conversation after dark. Her voice would grow louder, her tone more cutting, interrupting and talking over me if it were on the phone, in person she was clingy and too close or angry and running away.

The worst for me was never knowing what to expect. Cross that ...it's now knowing what to expect and never being proved wrong.

As a teenager there was hope that she would out grow her bad behaviors. When she became a mother there was that hope again.and again as she became a grandmother..Always trying to look for the positive and hope she'd "wake up" and be normal one day. The curse of my rose colored glasses.

We've had years that we talked almost every day and years that our conversations were scattered from weeks to months between conversation. I think she has always known that push come to shove I would be there for her. Foolishly I thought the same about her. I saw how wrong I was when our father died.

I think what makes me the most angry (besides everything) is that she pushes people away, drinks and keeps us out of her thoughts. It doesn't bother her that no one calls, or visits or invites her to family things because she has pushed those feelings away with drinking. My dad once explained to me that she will call and wreck havoc on our worlds with the latest crisis and we will be up all night thinking of ways to help her , while she is getting her drink on and sleeping only to not remember any of it the next day while we wake up sleep deprived and still worrying about her.

It's been a few weeks now since she has called, in the middle of the night with a drunken crisis. I have not called her to check in, she has not called me. I don't even know if she remembers the call. I still worry when I hear the police helicopters over head, and still check  the arrest reports from time to time but my worry as she's gotten older is that she will have a stroke or drink herself to death. I think her boyfriend would call us but I really don't know. I'm not sure what I'd do if i got that call.

I wish I had the ability to just put her out of my mind and not think or worry so much about the life she is wasting. I have always had such a strong bond with her...I could sense when things were  wrong, she often sounded amazed when I'd call just when she needed me. I've tried to tone those feelings down and not tune in but with doing that I feel a loss.





Monday, April 20, 2015

4/20/15

April 20. 20 things I'm looking forward to


1. Our Honeymoon in Paris! (October)
2. My girls weekend in Missouri next month
3. My oldest and newest friends from Missouri coming in November.
4. Shopping for said Paris trip.
5. Getting these dang bangs cut this week.
6. Upcoming beach days
7. the excitement that comes with hurricane season
8. my nieces wedding in December
9. watching my great niece and nephew reach new mile stones
10. Sea turtle season (starts May 1)
11. Big Brother season 17!
12. Seeing the scales dip and joining Onederland again
13. Walking with Vic to get in better shape for Paris
14. Spending more time with my local friends.
15. Date nights
16. New flooring for the bedroom.
17. More drum circles
18. getting back in the groove on my FBA and Ebay businesses
19. getting the AC fixed in the truck.
20. making more videos /taking more pictures

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

TV Time ..Reality Style of course

It's been a while since I've done a reality recap but that doesn't mean that I have not been glued to the TV watching my favorite reality dramas.


Last night Real Housewives of New York started up again. I am so happy that Bethenny is back , and just as happy that Aviva is NOT.   I must say , I had forgotten how fast Bethenny talks. Just listening to her sometimes makes me worn out. Ramona doesn't seem as crazy this season, but in all fairness it has only been ONE episode that I've seen.  Sonja ....just sad. More to come on that one as more episodes air.


Another new reality show we've been watching is Married at First Sight  on FYI. I hope some of these marriages work out and others (Ryan and Jacyln) I just have no words. I feel sorry for Ryan and wonder what his thoughts were during these first few episodes.   This is the second season I believe.



And, then there is Newlyweds the first year on Bravo.  Mostly Vic and I just look at each other and are so happy that we have each other. All of these relationships this season seem so messed up. I wanted to see a positive lesbian couple but it appears that won't be happening this season.



Oh , I almost forgot about one. I only watched the first episode because it was filmed in Paris and I wanted to see the landscaping. Find my first love , also on FYI.  The girl looking for her first love from college in Paris...happy ending but it would freak me out to the extent she went to find this guy. If it were a man looking for a woman I'm pretty sure they could get him on some stalking laws being broken.  I also wonder how it would have turned out had he been married with a family.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Holy Cow,where did March go?

I've been meaning to do a blog about March but I've been getting distracted and now look, it's April already! March had to be one of the fasted months to fly by for me.

I am totally enjoying married life. It does feel different. We were together 7 years prior to it finally becoming legal for us to get married in Florida. I've been making all of the calls this week , changing my name etc. We saved money on car insurance..that was a nice surprise. I'm still working on getting my passport changed and banks, doctors records etc.  I'm loving seeing my  new name on emails and signing for packages at work with the new name!

For our honeymoon we are going to Paris! We have booked the hotel already but not the flights yet. We are going in October (our birthdays are in October) and we try and go someplace every year for our b'days -this year it will be a b'day /honeymoon combo!

I am hoping these next few weeks go by just as quickly and we pass thru the Spring Break tenants with little to no issues. Over all I think it's been a pretty good season. We were busier than ever. It was the first season I was not in our Siesta Key office full time.

March was also our first over night babysitting with my great nephew , Devon. It was wonderful! We've equipped ourselves with a pack n play, high chair, toys, baby food, bibs...I hope there will be many more nights with that sweet boy!


My great niece Belle is getting to such a fun age too. She will be 7 months old this month. (Devon will be 8 months old!) I get to see her at work a few times a week. She has not mastered crawling on her knees yet but is smiling and giggling.
Holly and Belle March 10
The fur children are all doing good too. Scout had to go in for a teeth cleaning and ended up with 10 teeth pulled! He's home recovering and almost back to his chipper self. With MUCH better breath ! 

I am really going to try for more frequent updates and even some video vlogs soon. 
Have a blessed day! 




Friday, March 20, 2015

Getting Married!

We are getting married today!
More later..... xoox

Monday, March 16, 2015

Monday March 16 2015

What a great weekend we had.
 Saturday while my nephews wife got their new home all move in ready we were able to babysit my great nephew -all.day.long.~! I have no idea how moms get anything done..he is so active at 7 months old. He isn't walking yet but he crawls so fast and is pulling himself up on everything. The dogs were so much better  this time. Dexter (our oldest dachshund) kept an eye on him every minute but didn't seem quite as bothered to have a baby in the house as he was the first time. I don't think he likes Devon laughing at him.

Here are some pictures from the weekend with the baby. :)
Dexter slept right next to the baby while he slept







Nap time for everyone
Four more days until we get married!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Friday the 13th March 2015

Today was the day that we went to the courthouse and got our marriage license. It was so exciting , I can't imagine what next Friday will feel like when we actually go to get married.

I captured a few shots before , during and after our trip to the courthouse.

The actual marriage license -taken right outside the courthouse

We are doing this! 

Taken right before we walked out the door to head to the courthouse

I was so nervous doing the e-file that I kept clicking on the wrong things. 

Taken right outside the courthouse after getting our license 

wow..what a day! xox
I'd better go get some sleep, we are watching my 7 month old great nephew tomorrow while his parents move into their first home together. Life is good. Feeling blessed in so many ways.